"D'ya fancy Billie Piper, sir?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxB1gB6K-2A&feature=related

Catherine Tate and David Tennant (who, until this past May and a three-pack of Left Turn, The Stolen Earth and Journey's End, I only knew as barty Crouch, Jr.). Funny as hell.

I laughed so hard... yes, I'm finally becoming a fan of Doctor Who.

Back in 1995, I remember reading the 'Mondo Hollywood' issue of Details magazine, and there was agreat article about a filmmaker's first eyebrow-scorching experience of making a film - Lazarus, the story of a headless chicken who refuse to die. The line I remember from the article was when the guy said that if he could do something like that on a showstring budget, it could on;ly get easier with money. Doctor Who reverses that principle, because it's obvious that they don't have much money to spend.

Guess what? Hollywood should take a lesson from the BBC - because when you don't have money to waste on eye-candy special effects, you have to make up for it with actual acting skill and excellent writing.

In other words, the BBC has to be good at what they do... and they are.

A couple of months ago, I was awake at 3:50 in the morning - and where I live, the Sci-Fi Channel runs Doctor Who eps at 4 a.m. I learned a very important lesson that morning:


Don't watch the Doctor Who episode 'Blink' at four in the morning.


When you know what you're doing, you can scare the cowboy frak out of something with a few lights blinking, a few statues, and a hell of a script.

Here's a screenshot of the scariest moment (for me) in the episode:


See? THIS is what happens when you don't listen to the uber-cute little blonde who tells you NOT to take your eyes off the hyper-fast aliens who can only move when you aren't looking directly at them! I swear, I almost soiled every single item of clothing I had on when this happened...

It's a good show. I'll keep watching.

007 to stimulate the economy - among other things...

I admit it. I'm a big 007 fan - so you know that today is a fun day for me. Quantum of Solace comes out today in the U.S. - and yes, I will be in the first audience. Daniel Craig kicks mondo ass as the new Bond - I'd go so far to say that not only is he the best Bond since Sean Connery himself, but that if he and Connery were the same age and competing for the role... I'm not sure who would be the winner.

Yes, I do. The fans.

You should hear the media talking about the film -I mean, they're expecting this film to not only make money, but to stimulate the economy because of the various products that are connected to the film's release. The video game, various products featured in the film... it's my understanding that the film has made over 200 million in the overseas markets where it's already been released, and they're predicting a 45-65 million dollar opening weekend.

They forget that this is James Bond. He'll probably blow up the box-office with a 85-90 million dollar open weekend.


Now, lest you few people who read this think that I'm more emotionally damaged and mentally challenged than I actually am (and let's just say that the bar is not too far off between the two) - yes, I know that it's just escapist entertainment. Jeez. Let me have an hour or two of 'DAAAAAAAAAAM! Did you just see that?'

Okay. I don't act or talk like that - but you get the idea.


On another subject - what's with the rail-thin girls infesting the soaps? Damn, you get the idea that a man would bed one of these women and snap the poor thing in half! Mental note, ladies - 'cocaine chic' really isn't, and most men like having a little something more than bones to hold onto.



Android kitten nipples. Why? Because someone had to think of it.

Green tea, Sean Hannity, and Palinanity...

I've recently discovered Green Tea. Lipton Green Tea with citrus, in the 1.5 liter bottle. It soothes and fills Ye Olde Stomach. Good stuff.






Okay - now that the election is over, I can ask some questions, such as - what the hell did Barack Obama do to piss Sean Hannity of Faux News off so badly? I mean, this man all but HATES Obama - and if he doesn't, you seriously wonder if he and Obama had a converstion with Deep Thought about how Obama would get eternal historical acclaim and Hannity would get money and babes... I mean, come on. Look at what Faux News stocks their newsrooms with these days. Hell, I'd go G.O.P. if I thought it would get me a shot at a three-way with Jaime Colby and Ainsley Earnhardt!) You really wonder if Hannity is pissed because Obama (or a brotha just like him) took the girl that he always wanted out from under his nose, and he's never let it go.



(A sidebar on this. I watch both Countdown and The O'Reilly Factor - it's better than Comedy Central for laughs, more often than not. Granted, I don't agree with either all of the time - guess I just don't like the taste of either red or blue Kool-Aid - but I have to say this: When O'Reilly was on The View, Joy Behar was a total bitch towards the man while he went out of his way to be charming and cordial. Elizabeth Hasselbeck, on the other hand... is 'fawning over him' the right phrase to describe the was she acted in his presence? Memo to everybody on TV shows like these - the average person watches you for entertainment and the occasional differing perspective from their own. Bring it back a notch.









Almost forgot. Keith. Bill. Verbal Thunderdome. I'd fork out the pay-per-view bucks for that one without hesitation.)






Oh, and let's not forget the 'folksy charm' of pseudo-hockey mom Sarah Palin. Message to Govenor Palin: Please. Stop it. Just... stop it.







(sigh)










Okay.






First - you are not an average person. George Bush got away with that crapoganza twice; thank God that you didn't manage it this year. Here's the thing; despite everything else in your background, you are the Governor of Alaska. This means that you are in a very select group; U.S. Governors and U. S. Senators - one of a hundred and fifty individuals with a direct and clear path to the Presidency of the Unites States of America. The means of how you got there is irrlevent; the fact is that you ARE in that position, and no average person could attain that position. Stop pandering to the masses by maintaining that 'I'm one of you' act - especially when you're a Republican, a party that has built a reputation for, shall we say, lack of inclusion of the masses if they don't fit specific criteria in skin tone, religious preference and financial status.



Also, please stop it with the 'Real American' stuff. As a former comics buff, this is what comes to mind:








Just stop it, already. Stop acting as if intelligence and a drive to better oneself through education was a crime against the People of the United States of America...


Here's my big problem with people who, like McCain and Palin, make persons of higher education seem as they're a different species than 'decent, honest, hard-working, God-fearing, red-blooded patriotic Americans':


It's a slap in the face and the disavoval of what is supposed to be one of the oldest and the greatest of our communal beliefs as Americans - that we're supposed to work hard to better ourselves, and make it possible for our children to better themselves so that they will have better lives than we did. My father did twenty-six years in the U.S. Army and another fifteen for the Illinois Department of Labor, and my mother was a seamstress for the majority of my life so that some of my brothers and I could better ourselves in college. I was doing okay at that - I was producing TV shows for a local non-profit until a spider put me on the sidelines.


The point is - what kind of parent wishes less upon their child - acts to keep him or her from reaching their potential, intellectually or otherwise - and what parent then rejects their child for becoming exactly our society has told us to make our children into... more intelligent people than we are, with the same basic values, but with the God-given and school-infused abilities to consider other opportunities and points of view in order to make up their own minds and make their own decisions? What does that say about us if we say that our brothers, sisters and children are no longer part of us because they have learned and grown, and possibly do not share our complete values system or our beliefs? Does that mean that they are no longer our family?

Is that what you're saying, Governor?



End of rant



(By the way, if anyone knows of a good Legal Malpractice attorney that can operate in the State of Illinois and doesn't mind a fight or slapping attorneys who dearly deserve it around a bit - send me their contact info. I could use that.)

"What day is it? What YEAR!"

Just getting the gratuious babeage out there right away, folks. No need to thank me.

Yep - it's been a while since I've posted. Laziness, I'd like to say, and for the most part - that would be correct. Lots of things - good, annoying, bad, sucky - most of them sterling examples of why most members of humanity could do with the occasional bracing slap in the mouth. If I ever find a person who's remotely responsible for some of teh crap that infects computers... oh, and by the way, I used to have respect for CounterSpy. HA! if anyone knows a good antivirus/antimalware/antispyware package, let me know.

Obama won. Well. Color me surprised. With Caribou Barbie and Darth McCain on the prowl, I really thought the public would swallow a lot more of their lies. Guess people really DO vote their wallets. Onething, people - DO NOT think that racism, sexism, ageism, discrimination, bigotry, homophobia, prejudice or any of a thousand other ills of our time and of all time will go away or are rendered null and void because 'President Obama' will be a reality. If you doubt me, look at this:

Hey, everybody - it's Mensa, and they're styling the big bikes!

Weed laws passed. Give me half an ounce, a couple of beers (anybody got the name of a good beer?) and let's party - besides, with the way my legs hurt sometimes, I could possibly argue 'medicinal use', anyway.

A shout-out to all of the Daria fans out there who are keeping a great animated series alive, and a special shout-out to Glenn Eichler, the co-creator of Daria, who just won an Emmy as part of the writing team of The Colbert Report!

Here's the image created by uber-talented grahic artist S.C. for a congratulatory message sent by Daria fans across the world to The Glenn (that work spearheaded by Australian fan Deref (yes, Handsome Doctor Deref, for you that remember the series) and PPMB Supreme System Lord Kara Wild. (Apparently, she hasn't reached the point in law school where they remove your soul and stick a demon inside. I wonder if that's what happens during your bar examination? Okay, I kid a touch too much.)

Congrats from the Cathedral to The Glenn!

Along those lines - PPMB denizen TAG has come up with an interesting shared-worlds setting for Daria fics called 'Daylight', dealing with ( it's TAG, what else?) some serious end-of-the-worldage as the Sun decides to bring the pain, and in the process wipes out nearly all life on Earth. Nasty stuff - complete with the knowledge that it could actually happen.

If you dare... the starting point is here:

http://dariaverse.com/daylight.html

Also, there have been some interesting Daria fics based in this setting. Your go-point to read on is at:

http://www.dariawiki.org/wiki/index.php?title=Daylight

Enjoy!

And now - it's time for some gratituous cuteness!

Well, I'll try to keep this more up-to-date. I'll also try not to fall off the stool I sit off when I'm writing when I fall asleep when typing. 'Sick and sad' doesn't even begin to cover it - but then again, neither does getting socked in the flesh silo by your four-and five-year-old nephews when you're not paying attention. OW. Going to have to sign those two up for some good old-fashioned child abuse...

By the way - semi-automatics or revolvers, and in which caliber? The debate goes on.

Off we go, then.

A Fellow PPMBers' definition of Heaven...

This one's for you, TAG, for all of the Daria-related things you've done.

Time to be a'pissin' off the wimmenfolks and the Democrats...

Let's start by thinking of all the cheap pickup lines you chicks have ever had directed at you, used in your presence, and (to really tick you gals off) the ones you wish that particular guy (or girl, because things have changed) would have directed at YOU rather than someone else, because you'd have jumped for it the way those hungry fish in your fishtank at home jump when you feed them after forgetting to for a day or so. (It happens.)

Now, think of the way guys and other women look at you when you wear (a.) something really nice, or (b.) wear something you chose with the specific intent of reminding one certain guy or EVERY GUY IN SIGHT that yes, you ARE a woman. (Okay. If you're doing it for the latter, this post doesn't apply. Scratch that one off... and by the way, more power to you, milady. The Id of every man who crosses your path thanks you.) Yes, each and every one of those straight guys wants nothing more than to use you like he's King Leonidas and you're Xerxes' pride. (Sorry. '300' came on cable last month - finally got a chance to see it. The Daria fans in the midst will understand when I say, 'Mmmmmm. Oracle girls. The Priestesses at DELPHI are hopefully that... limber.')

The ladies who see you dressed like that? Back when I was in college, I remember noticing the phomenoma I coined 'the Cone of Silence.' Watch when a VERY beautiful woman goes past or through a moderately-sized crowd: you'll immediately notice a defined 'cone of silence that seems to radiate out and behind her, followed immediately by a second field of sound. The first wave is that of the guys struck momentarily by their hormones drawing power off from all other systems, and the other women seeing an immedite threat arrive in the vicinity. ('Territoriality, thy name is woman.' ) Then, the wave of sound begins... the sound of the women cutting her down.

Don't believe me? Go to a college campus (or in the general vicinity) on a weekend and find out for yourself.

But I digress. Ladies - go back over all of this and if that hasn't annoyed you enough, then let be get out the 'coach gun' - the double-barreled slam that assures a 98% probability of ticking ANY woman off.

1.) No, he (you KNOW who I'm talking about) does NOT want to spend time with you, take a walk with you, come over to your place, or see you naked... because he's just not into you.

2.) You ARE just like a sister to him. End of story. Life goes on.

Now that the lasses are suitably ticked off, it's time for the Dems to get theirs.

Four words.

Rush Limbaugh was right.


Now, what do these two things have to do with one another? Well, in the traditional convoluted, ice-slickened and fog-filled road I usually lay out through the mountainside to get to the point, I also toss in March of next year -2009. That's the first full month the U.S. will stop broadcasting analog TV signals and EVERYBODY has to go digital.

Well, there are going to be a LOT of pissed-off people out there, once we get forced to 'experience the wonder and the quality of high-definition digital TV. Reason? Because even the most physically perfect and attractive among us will be subject to greater scrutiny in the new age of television... and because makeup can only do so much.

A few years back, a woman named Marny Steiner filed a court case against The Weather Channel on the basis of age discrimination, claiming that she was given the bum's rush because she was in her forties and they wanted to get rid of her in order to increase the ratings by putting more attractive women on the screen. Rush did a broadcast where he basically said 'So? They're right!'

Hate to agree with old Rush (did he get that name for the way he feels after gobbling down some of those ill-gotten drugs? You decide!) but let's be honest - the name of the game is RATINGS. (How else can you describe 'When Weather Changed History'? GOD! Memo to The Weather Channel! You want ratings? FINE! Here's how you do it! One - Get a couple of meterologists with gravitas and put them on the air. Two - Stop trying to be the Discovery Channel - with the exception of 'Storm Stories', your programming SUCKS! Three - GET RID OF JIM CANTORE! He's a walking punchline! Four - Hire back Hillary Andrews! yes, she was kind of ditzy and she dissed Cantore, but we watched her because (a.) we had NO FRAKKIN' IDEA what she would do next (see 'Howard Stern' in the 'How to keep them tuned in' manual) and (b.) lots of people thought that she was attractive. THIS is a point you should keep in mind. It'll be important later, and it WILL be on the final. Five - SHUT THE FRAK UP about how the female meterologists dress on-air! If Alexandra Steele wants to wear sheer blouses and thin sweaters, and it appears as if the tempature in the studio is -39 degrees every time she's on screen... this means us guys are watching. We like pretty girls. (Again, refer to the Hillary Andrews point if reference to Alexandra.) SIX. FOCUS ON THE WEATHER - don't try to make it exciting - unless it's very bad weather, the very subject isn't exciting... and then, it's all too exciting.

A happy day for me? If The Weathe Channel filched the tagline of Fox News - and then followed the spirit of it.

'We Report - You Decide.'

Again - back on subject. When you watch The Weather Channel, you NOW watch for 'Weather on the 8's' and the occasional cute weatherperson (Note to Eboni Deon. Slap your hairstylist and go find another one. Please. Hurry.) . By its very definition, that means you're paying attention to the looks. That's okay, if you're honest about it.


That's the problem with all of this - what ties it all together, and why trouble lies ahead.


Television, by its very nature, is about presenting the very best visual images in order to draw our attention. (Yes, really. If you're all about 'deeper meaning' and 'character development' - read a book. Not that television doesn't have the capacity to have this, or that it doesn't happen - but BELIEVE ME when I say that it's a secondary concern.) There's a reason why the terms 'Hollywood Homely' and 'Hollywood nerd' exist - because the grand majority of us COULD NOT be on a television program - or only as secondary characters, in recurring roles or as Bad Guys. Yes. Really. This is true. Hey - I KNOW that I'm ugly enough to scare starving pit bulls off the back of a meat truck. I actually scared the hell out of two stray dogs late one night, when I was returning from doing laundry. Long story.

Anyway. Digital TV is REALLY going to raise havoc in the entertainment and news industries, as only the VERY attractive will be immune to the equally humanizing effect that high-def will have on the on-air talent: it shows off every physical flaw.

So now, ladies - you're going to have to fall back on what we guys have had to deal with since time began: the world of self-delusion. Just kidding.

You get it worse. You won't even have the fantaasy of believing that, as a TV star, you're somehow MORE than other women, better, prettier, more alluring. High-Def will take that away - amd make you all that you are now, because as I mentioned earlier - makeup can only do so much.

Now, think that over for a minute.














Remember I said earlier that a good idea was to hire back Hillary Andrews and let Alexandra Steele wear what she wants, because (in a nutshell) people think they're attractive?

That's the rub, folks. If we think you're attractive, regardless of what High-def does or is capable of exposing, we'll still watch. If we like you because of what you do on screen, we'll watch. If you've made yourself someone who we enjoy on the air - we'll watch, regardless of what you look like or how High-Def reveals your flaws.

And, to you ladies in the real world - the same thing applies. If you're someone who we want to have in our lives, we will make an effort to keep you there, regardless of what you look like.

Here endeth the rant.

"We don't say 'die',we say 'KILL!'"

Haven't felt too snarky lately. More like snarly, or snarling, or just tearing off limbs of others.

Feeling like inserting bullets manually in a host of people, rather than shooting them. Let's see:


- New York politicians involved in sex scandals. No, really? Guys in power getting a little extra tail on the side - who would have expected it? What's the world coming to? Personally, if I was all about getting some action all over the place as a politician, I'd join the Republican Party. Three words:

Female. College. Republicans.

Oh, yeah! Hot, intelligent, and 'dedicated to the cause'. Remember that horrid little ditty from Grease 2 - 'Let's Do It For Our Country?' Ooooooh... gotta love those young ladies who are prepared to give that last full measure of devotion for their Republican leaders. Say it with me people - Democrats like Obama have the charm, but Republicans boff their cute intern over the couch arm.

- The bloodsport we call the Democratic primary. As far as I'm concerned, way to go, folks. Either way, you've got McCain and his crew sipping bubbly and checking out the oh-so-nice curves on that cute little senior with the butter-blonde hair cut fashionably short, who hails from Oberlin College and who's taken a year off school (of course, Daddy and Mumsie are paying her way) so she could volunteer to work in the McCain campaign, even during the dark days of Summer 2007, because she knows that 'it's for the good of the country.'

They can afford to. Obama and Clinton have savaged each other with enough ammo that all McCain has to do is pick up their spent cartridges, handload them, and shoot the 'winner' from Denver with them again. (I'm here to tell you that that 'It's 3 a.m.' commercial is going to come back to haunt the Democratic candidate, I kid you not.)


- Why lie? I can't stand lawyers. Roberh Heinlien said it best in Friday, when he remarked that there are only two types of lawyers - those who meke life easier for others, and parasites. I've mainly dealt with the latter, thank you for asking. Tell me - becoming a lawyer. Becoming a vampire in the Buffyverse. What's the difference? Both involve arcane rituals, existing off the suffering of the commom man, and being given power when a demon is placed inside your body and your soul is destroyed.

Yes. NOW you can say that I'm REALLY pissed off about something - at least, God willing, I'll have the pleasure of reading about the sumbitch lawyers who've been the focal points of my past decade's misery as they burn in the real world. I'm tired of hearing about 'Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord,' and 'They'll get theirs in the end.' Unless I get to have their 'getting it in the end' involve the laundry-room floor of a prison, inmates who haven't had consensual sex with the opposite sex for decades and various implements suited for insertion sans industrial lubrication - I'd enjoy some reciprocity in the here and now, please.

And pass me the popcorn and the berry tea. I've developed a taste for it, recently.


- Pancake puffs. Do those pans really work? It looks damned interesting- but that's what advertising does. Man, those pizza puffs, cake puffs and blueberry muffin puffs look good...


Gonna stop now. Sleepy. Love to be tucked into bed by a female College Republican after a cup of hot berry tea and a couple of muffin puffs.

That's gotta wait until my next life.