Pump down the volume

Okay.


A movie that I always liked is Pump Up The Volume. Reasons? First, it has Samantha Mathis in it. In appearance, she's what TV Tropes.Org (check out the site, you'll like it) calls 'Hollywood Homely'. Meaning, she's not the super-hot, makeup-room hyperprocessed uber-babe spank bait that gets both men and women horny as all get out (at least in theory - I mean, was anyone really turned on by Pamela Anderson once you got past the innate urge to watch her breasts bounce along on the beach?), but a so-called 'girl next door' that guys are supposed to gravitate towards because of the implied possibility that, in real life, a guy like you or me could actually go out with a girl like that. A scene I especially liked in the film was when Christian Slater's parents werethisclose to catching him (they had him, folks!) when Samantha (always liked that name, too!) pops up and goes, "He was talking to me." (The scene must have stuck with the guys who did Transformers; the scene with Shia LeBouf and Megan Fox is almost identical, if skewed for comic intent instead of the dramatic in the earlier film.)

Another reason why I like the film? It has probably one of the most profound comments I've heard out of a film aimed at teenagers; in the sequence when 'Hard Harry' goes on the air after a boy committs suicide (just after talking to him on the air and saying "I'm all alone..." - easily one of the saddest moments in the film), a cop listening to the broadcast says to his partner, "I think you've forgotten what being a kid was like."

The thing that I really like is how, it its own way, the film, in it's depiction of a pirate DJ, somewhat mirrors the Internet in how the things you put out there are interpreted. I once read somewhere (and please, correct me if I'm wrong) that less than 10% of communication between persons is through the actual use of words. If this is true, this explains why I'm such a lousy poker player, and why I NEVER play at casinos. I've been smoked harder than a Virginia ham or the last load in the bong at a really good house party. (And just for the record - no. I never did get to sign the trip board.) The thing is, on the air or online, all you have to represent you are your words. Yes, there can be intent behind them, and after a time, one can get a feel for the manners and patterns that a person has when they post, but really - can you ever really know who someone is online? Certainly, they're not the person they are in real life (or so we hope, in some cases).

So why am I bringing this up? Well, I made a stupid mistake a couple of days ago on a web site I frequent - and as Don Imus can tell you, trying to make a joke is the single fastest way towards starting some sort of flare-up that you can imagine. Making a directly racist, sexist or homophobic comment towards someone will not start trouble online or on the air faster than the abject sin of trying to be funny and flubbing it up by offending someone.

Oh, and that's what I did. In the middle of a thread of a person (person A) who's threads I usually avoid (more on that later) and I happened to miss that it was this person's thread because I was reading the post due to the fact that another poster (person B) had made a comment. There were a couple of comments made between posters that were funny (B and person C), and (why the hell isn't there an EWS for stupidity when writing posts? Because mine would probably burn out in the first month) I added my post, referencing A as I did so, because there's a longstanding, running joke about A and C.

A few minutes later, I recieved an IM from C, who mentioned that A didn't appreciate being joked about in that fashion, and asked if I'd not do it again. Okay. Somebody sees that you did something that wasn't kosher, gets in touch and says 'What you did was hurtful, and it was wrong. Would you please not do it again?' I can get behind this - after all, the reason we're all here is because this supposed to be fun, right?

I head back over to the web site to clean it up... too late. A had read that, and made a rude comment back. Now, what I should have done was just clean up my mess and go away (as I said, I usually avoid this person's postings), but noooooo! I'm an idiot that (on some level, but it is lessening) actually believes that modus vivendi is theoretically possible between anyone. I mde the stupid mistake of commenting on that. Of course, this led to that person making comments on how I'm blaag, blah, blah. That doesn't matter.

Three things about this do make me wonder, though.

1.) Why couldn't A simply send me a PM saying 'Look - you're not a total asshole, and maybe you haven't gotten the message before, so let me say it clearly. This bothers me when you do it. Please don't do it again'? Other people have done that before when I've made comments that they found offensive or that they believed that someone else would find offensive, and I immediately cleaned it up. No, I'm not about kissing ass or 'trying to make a happy world for everyone', but if I do something stupid, I DO try to walk it back.

2.) I wasn't trying to be offensive towards A in the first place - I was actually making light of C, and actually, not even thinking of A when I made that remark. Now, THAT could be considered a slap in the face to A - but then, I direct your attention to #1 above.

3.) There have been comments between myself and A in the past; as a result, I simply avoid responding to A's posts, even when they are on topics I find interesting. (Why even risk the chance of all of the stupid back-and-forth, because there's nothing I could say that A wouldn't and hasn't found insulting or patronizing, in their opinion.) However, in response to a comment A made on a specific movie star they found interesting, I found a photo online that I felt they might appreciate and just posted it as a courtesy. No commentary or anything. I guess that some people don't understand the subtle nuances of the concept known as the 'olive branch'... or stop to think or consider that if someone does that - then why would they deliberately stoop to insult you? Maybe they're trying to make nice...

Maybe it was just simply an honest mistake. Maybe they're just trying to just keep heading off in their own direction, slipped up, and simply made a mistake. A mistake. A misunderstanding. They were stupid.

There's an old story - I have no idea where it comes from - about two warring armies that had somehow manages to agree to sign an armistice. The two armies gathered at the appointed place for the signing; however, both sides were skepticaal of the other's true intent, and on the watch for the slightest sign of treachery. Just as the leaders were about to sign the treaty, a warrior on one side saw a asp sliding towards him and drew his sword to kill it. Rather than looking to see why he drew his sword, the opposite side unsheathed their eapons and attacked, setting off a slaughter.

Obviously, I don't see this - you can't even call it a disagreement - as anything near that story. However, it does being up one problem with posting online: if someone's looking to be offended, or expecting that, then that's all they'll see, even if you've tried to be nice to them. That's the problem about having to be around some people, or touching upon certain topics that they or others might present on the boards : you always have to walk on eggshells in their presence for fear of offending, even accidentally, and if you get into a flame war with them, then you'll never win (as if 'winning' was possible. It's words online). Long ago, a friend of mine once said that he wished that he could go back in time, so that he could 'un-know' certain people. I can see that, in that I sometimes wish that I'd never posted opinions on several threads.

There's another paassage in Pump Up The Volume that comes to mind as I write this:


And now, all my horny listeners, get one hand free - because yes, the 'eat me, beat me' lady is back.

Come in. Every night, you enter me like a criminal. You break into my brain, but you're no ordinary criminal. You put your feet up, you drink your can of Pepsi; you start to party, you turn up my stereo. Songs I've never heard, but I move anyway. You get me crazy - I say, 'Do it. I don't care just do it. Jam me, jack me, push me, pull me - talk hard!'

...

I like that. 'Talk Hard.' I like the idea that a voice can just go somewhere uninvited and just kind of hang out like a dirty thought in a nice clean mind. To me a thought is like a virus. You know, it can just kill all the healthy thoughts and just take over. That would be serious. I know all of my horny listeners would love it if I would call up the 'eat me, beat me' lady. But no! Because... she never encloses her number!

Always the same red paper, the same beautiful black writing. She's probably a lot like me: a legend in her own mind. But you know what - I bet in real life... she's probably not that wild. I bet she's kind of shy, like so many of us who briskly walk the halls, pretending to be late for some class, pretending to be distracted. Hey - poetry lady. Are you really this cool? Are you out there? Are you listening?

That's the funny thing about so many of the people that you 'meet' or 'run across' online... they're simply electronic personas that aren't that much (in most cases) the way they are in real life. The reason I bring this up? Because in the years I've been in a couple of online fandoms, I've had the pleasure to meet and/or speak with the actual persons I've encountered online... and oh, I know that I've come across as a blundering, barely-animated carcass with the IQ of soap scum in at least one occurence. (Yeah. That's a memory that resonates quite well for me. After I'm finished typing, I'll go hit my head against something somewhat hard a few times.) However, there are a few people who I would truly like to meet in real life. Not to start a fight, or an argument, or to even act belligerant towards. I would truly like to sit down across a table from a number of these people, haave a cup of tea (I am one of the few people in the world who's never had a cup of Starbucks coffee - let's see how long I can keep away...) and see if they're really anything remotely like the people they portray online.

Who knows? Maybe in real life, they're actually people worth knowing.

Of course, that means I have to clean up my act, too. Maybe I should shave the beard and keep it off... but I really hate shaving all of the time. Here's an idea - I'll find a way to transport myself back to Great Britain in the 19th Century and join the Royal Navy! That way, I can keep my beard, I'll get to travel, I won't have to think about online forums (and people won't have to read my bitchy whinings) - and best of all, I'll get some of that kick-ass Pusser's Rum that the Royal Navy issued to their sailors.

A double tot of rum. Maybe I should have some of that before I post - why bother typing when you could hoist a glass of excellent spirits in the service of His Majesty?

(P.S. - if anyone wants to get together for a friendly glass or two of rum, I think I could arrange that. Let's hold off until spring, though. I'll fire up the grill and throw on a few slabs of ribs, we'll get a few sides and sit outside in the breeze and have some decent conversation. Well... I'll just keep my mouth shut any let the smart people talk. Ilearn more new things that way.)