http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQZLCNRYqMM
Because, sometimes, you just need a heavy dose of adorably cute - or annoying as hell, depending on your perspective.
Can you believe that this movie made almost ninety-five million dollars? Holy Mother of God! My brother saw in and said, quite plainly, the film was not worth eight dollars. Wait for it on cable or DVD, he said. (EDIT: I just red on Yahoo! News that the film's ending the year with a total of ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY-TWO MILLION DOLLARS! Oh. My. God. Now THAT'S a lot of acorns.)
Hmmn. The trailers do look cute as hell - and who is that babe who plays the housekeeper? I mean, if she can cause Simon to grow antlers, as well as fur in all of those, ahem, special places, well, you know she's hot!
Oh, yeah. Time for me to go off subject again, more or less - but I saw the clip of Dave and his ex-girlfriend Claire at dinner. That annoyed the hell out of me when she did that line about 'I'm glad we're like this - two friends, no pressure...' BULLSHIT! You KNOW why you're there! After the appropriate interval where you convince yourself that 'he likes you as a person', then you feel that you can release the self-imposed inhibitions on your lustful nature, have him strip you down to your bare essentials, take you to wherever and then have the guy (hopefully!) bang you like the dinner bell at a dude ranch!
Well, most women act like that. (Don't be fooled by the 'slutwear is in!' trend of the past decade - thanks, Britney! I'm sure your little sister appreciated the example you set for her - not only when she let some Nickelodeon exec on Zoey 101 have his way with her, but in how they had her boyfriend take the fall when she got knocked up. Can't wait to read the book the grandma's got coming out on child-rearing. A back-to-back Chris Rock-Robin Williams concert probably won't be as funny.) Most women - well, from what I've seen - still don't enjoy being seen as - well, use whatever term you prefer for 'morally loose woman who spreads her legs if the windspeed surpasses 10 MPH and invests in her own custom-made kneepads...'
Men, on the other hand, are ready for even the most foul and cursory sex at a moment's notice. I recall a doctor's visit I had back in late 2002. I hadn't been going out with anyone - the legs, and taking care of the parents - and the doc asks me 'the ususl questions'"
'Do you drink?'
'Infrequently.'
'Do you smoke?'
'Only when ignited. No. I've never smoked.'
'Are you sexually active?'
You know, one of my faults is that I really love to see the look in a person's eyes when his or her reality suddenly gets a good, hard shake. Now, I swear I didn't plan this ahead, or think about it - but when he asked me that, I stopped, looked him directly in the eye... and then burst out laughing. Real laughter. The laughter that comes when someone tells a joke that really hit the mark. A joke like the final one Mill Maher told in his show The Decider, when he pointed out that his favorite Bush Administration appointee was a gynecologist who was anally raping his wife during the course of their marriage while she was asleep - and when confronted about it, said that he had mistaken her anus for her vagina. "Ladies and gentlemen, I give you - the Bush Administration!"
The doctor looks at me and blinks - hard - before finding his voice. "Uh... are you not having sex because you're gay?"
Time to hit his cortex with another shockwave: "Hell, no! If I were gay, I'd be getting it right and left!"
Now, before anyone says that I'm insulting gay men, let me remind you that - gay or straight - all men are hard-wired to have a specific attitude towards sex, and yes, it is an attitude that can be controlled in a number of ways. On the same token, women are all hard-wired in the fashion - to have a specific attitude towards sex that a number of factors can moderate.
It's biology. It's The Way Things Are.
I guess, then, that that scene shouldn't bother me so much. It's simply a reflection of reality, more or less.
Hmn. With that, we get back on the tracks, and enjoy the wacky adventures of Alvin and the boys trying to hook Dave up. Guys - next time, set him up with the housekeeper. Nice...
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CHIPMUNK FRICASSEE
2 pounds diced chipmunk (the legs are most of the meat but the breast is good if you have the patience)
minced garlic
chopped onion
hot peppers
Guinness stout
butter
hot pepper flakes
chicken or possum stock
peeled and quartered potatoes
This actually tastes a lot like chicken (but still with a difference). It's best made with Rocky Mountain chippers(East Coast chippies are too small) and perhaps served with a nice Sauvignon Blanc. Marinate the chipmunk meat in the garlic, onion, hot peppers, and Guinness. Saute in a skillet with butter, pepper flakes, and salt. Cook quickly until browned. Deglaze the skillet with the stock and put it all into a large saucepan or stockpot along with the marinade and the potatoes. Cover and bake at 275 degrees for two hours. Remove from the oven and, in a separate pan, reduce whatever marinade is left and whisk in six ounces of additional butter. Combine reduced marinade with chipmunk meat and serve.
--Bill Teahan
A Sauvignon Blanc with game? And game prepared with garlic and red pepper? The world's gone mad, I tell you, mad. I say serve it with a good fighting wine, like a red from the Northern Rhône, specifically a Cornas or St. Joseph.
There are "rustic" Burgundies (i.e., from Burgundy) that might go well with it, like stuff from Eschezeau or Vosne-Romanee, but that sort of stuff you could only find in the Sloane family's wine cellar, if at all.
Failing that, just have more Guinness on hand. :)
Now, hold on. You can't appreciate this dish unless you have a good aged jar of moonshine (preferably 20 years old or older.) It cleans the palate and allows one to enjoy...the subtle flavors.
You can't appreciate this dish unless you have a good aged jar of moonshine (preferably 20 years old or older.)
Whoa, whoa. Anybody can walk into a sufficiently stocked liquor store and buy a bottle of the most exalted vinyard's most prized vintages, but real moonshine is a rarer thing than even a great year of Domaine de la Romanee-Conti, and getting moonshine requires the friendship and trust of a great distiller, and such things transcend commerce.
True moonshine would indeed be the preferred beverage, but one mustn't tease one readers with the possibility of the truly rare, when the merely expensive is within the reach of many. The good is the enemy of the best, but the best is also the enemy of the good. The tragedy here is that one pleasure of the southern USA's terrior should be so exiled from another. Maybe our native artisanal distillers will someday be allowed to practiced in the open, but until then I fear the rest of us will have to make due will the merely good. :(
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